I wanna bring you to show and tell
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
