clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Less talking, more tequila
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
