Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
try to milk me bitch
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