you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
