I feel great
I just peed on a car
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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