Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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