he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
