Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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