also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we're making bets on your personal life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
this hospital has no fireball
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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