swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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