Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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