I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
