Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
