the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
