She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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