you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
