Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
