Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
