You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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