I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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