drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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