I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i have herpe
just one?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
