are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
