Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
