Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
