And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
