after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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