happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
