Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize