Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
