pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Quick, to the slutcave!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
