Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
