So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
