Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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