And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
