the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
