she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
