Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
