I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
