it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Rumble strips road head = magical
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
