So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
