My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I did not marry a roomba.
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