allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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