all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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