I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she pinky promised me she was 18
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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