Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
