so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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