I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
