i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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