I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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