am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
