weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
