She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
