He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
