If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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