Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
