Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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