there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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