Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
