im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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