If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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