I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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