That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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