Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
