Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
