Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
