Define "chronic" masturbator.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
