we have officially lost it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
