It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
