3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
