He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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