i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
