Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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