I am midnight drunk by noon
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
