Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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